It is a Tuesday morning like any other, as I make my way grumpily to class. Despite the fact that I know it takes me 8 minutes to walk to class, I have left my apartment at 7:54 and am desperately rushing to try to make it to my 8:00 class on time. I make it to class one minute late, but fortunately the instructor has not yet started talking. I drop into a seat in the back corner of the auditorium, breathing a sigh of relief that I have been spared the embarrassment of drawing attention to myself by walking in late.
Class proceeds according to daily routine. I listen for a few minutes then pull out my computer. I check my email, then do a crossword puzzle, and play my daily half hour of tetris. Even if I try, I can't seem to pay attention to anything for more than 10 or 15 minutes. School has lost its charm, and the excitement I once felt at learning something new has shriveled into resentment at being forced to cram more useless information into my head. What reason do I have to care about the structure of the cell? Knowing the minutiae of the microstructures of my body will be of no use in pondering the greater existential questions that plague my everyday existence. Who am I really? Why am I here? What am I doing with my life? In the shadow of these fundamental unanswered questions, the list of facts that is the first two years of medical school crumbles into insignificance.
Perhaps this is not for me, I think. I am the type of person who might have done better as a philosopher. The rational part of my brain speaks up then.
"If you had become a philosopher, you would be starving on the streets. Following your heart does not mean practicality does not apply to you. You need food and shelter to survive, and without money, you will have neither. You can give up on material wealth, but there are still some essentials that you cannot forgo." With a sigh, I try again to pay attention to the chunky black text on the glaringly white slides.
When class finally ends, I think it will be a day like any other. I will go back to my apartment and remain there for the rest of the day, working on my computer or stressing out about the things in my life that I cannot control. As I walk out of the room, I overhear a conversation between some colleagues.
"Are you going to the farmer's market?" a girl asks the group of students milling around her.
"Yeah, let's go check it out," someone answers her. The mention of a farmer's market piques my interest, and on a whim, I decide to investigate.
The intoxicating smell of fresh basil has filled my apartment. My limbs seem to have a mind of their own, guiding me into the kitchen to stand in perplexion in front of the stove. My hands cajole me into preparing my cutting board, and then I'm struck once again with that daily frustration, that endless quandary. What am I making for dinner tonight? The basil beckons playfully and I am drawn to it as its perfume dances sultrily around me,mocking my predicament. "How does it matter? You have me," it whispers alluringly. As I breathe in another whiff of its tantalizing scent, I have an epiphany. The final product does not matter. It is the process of creation, the journey, that is important.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Top 10 books
I love reading. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of time these days for pleasure reading. I also don't have the attention span anymore. I prefer to turn off my brain and sit in front of the TV. After a couple of months of watching hours of TV, I started to feel like my brain was rotting, so last week, I picked up a book and started reading. It's a book called Travels With My Aunt, and it's a great book. I'm about halfway through, and it's been a nice bedtime read. I usually do a chapter or so right before I go to sleep. It's satisfying to be using my brain again, even if it's only for a half hour a day.
This recent return to reading got me thinking about some of my all-time favorites. I'm ashamed to admit that nearly all of them are from my younger days. I thought about it and came up with a ranked list of sorts. This is kind of arbitrary, and a lot of my favorites have been left off the list, but I thought I'd share my top 10.
10. The Little Prince - This is a cute, short book with a lot of interesting philosophical meaning. It's almost a kids book, except it made me think quite a bit. This is a book that I'll probably read again in the near future.
9. The Scarlet Pimpernel - This is the story of an English nobleman who rescues nobles from the guillotine during the French revolution, mainly for the sport. It's a fun adventure, and I've read it several times.
8. The Cairo Trilogy - This was written by Nobel prize winning author Naguib Mahfouz. It takes place in Cairo, as the name indicates, and it's about a traditional family that goes through a turbulent political and social period in Cairo history. The first book of the trilogy is probably the best.
7. The Adventures of Robin Hood - This is a childhood favorite. I've always harbored a secret fantasy of running off somewhere to be an outlaw in the forest, stealing from the rich to give to the poor.
6. The Three Musketeers - This is another childhood favorite. I read this book when my family drove to Atlanta nearly 10 years ago. There's a reason this book is a treasured classic.
5. Illusions - This is a wonderful book, with a philosophical undertone that can be pondered for hours. I'm still debating whether or not reality is an illusion. If you haven't read this book, go read it. It's definitely worth the couple hours of your time.
4. The Blue Castle - This is one of L.M. Montgomery's lesser known books. I love all of her books, but this one is a slightly more adult book about a character who breaks out of the mold of what is expected from her by her family and discovers a life more wonderful than she could have imagined. In a wistful sense, this book is very dear to my heart.
3. Pride and Prejudice - I am a big fan of Jane Austen, and although I love the romance in the book, my favorite element of Jane Austen's writing is her witty style. Every time I read the book (and trust me, I've read it many, many times), I find new witty surprises built into her writing. It's the type of book in which every sentence is worth reading.
2. A Suitable Boy - This is a monster of a book, more than 1400 pages long. It's set in India just after the Partition, and it's a tale of family tension, political tension, and religious tension. The main storyline involves a young girl struggling to choose between following her heart and marrying the man she loves or bowing down to her family's wishes and marrying the man they have picked out for her. Again, this is a theme that is extremely close to my heart, and when I read it, I cried on more than one occasion.
1. Catch-22 - I first read this book in middle school, and I have read it a couple times since. If you haven't read this book, go read it. It's a delight of sarcasm and wit, a book about a soldier with an anti-war theme.
Take a few minutes to think of your own top 10 list. I guarantee that it will be more difficult than you think.
This recent return to reading got me thinking about some of my all-time favorites. I'm ashamed to admit that nearly all of them are from my younger days. I thought about it and came up with a ranked list of sorts. This is kind of arbitrary, and a lot of my favorites have been left off the list, but I thought I'd share my top 10.
10. The Little Prince - This is a cute, short book with a lot of interesting philosophical meaning. It's almost a kids book, except it made me think quite a bit. This is a book that I'll probably read again in the near future.
9. The Scarlet Pimpernel - This is the story of an English nobleman who rescues nobles from the guillotine during the French revolution, mainly for the sport. It's a fun adventure, and I've read it several times.
8. The Cairo Trilogy - This was written by Nobel prize winning author Naguib Mahfouz. It takes place in Cairo, as the name indicates, and it's about a traditional family that goes through a turbulent political and social period in Cairo history. The first book of the trilogy is probably the best.
7. The Adventures of Robin Hood - This is a childhood favorite. I've always harbored a secret fantasy of running off somewhere to be an outlaw in the forest, stealing from the rich to give to the poor.
6. The Three Musketeers - This is another childhood favorite. I read this book when my family drove to Atlanta nearly 10 years ago. There's a reason this book is a treasured classic.
5. Illusions - This is a wonderful book, with a philosophical undertone that can be pondered for hours. I'm still debating whether or not reality is an illusion. If you haven't read this book, go read it. It's definitely worth the couple hours of your time.
4. The Blue Castle - This is one of L.M. Montgomery's lesser known books. I love all of her books, but this one is a slightly more adult book about a character who breaks out of the mold of what is expected from her by her family and discovers a life more wonderful than she could have imagined. In a wistful sense, this book is very dear to my heart.
3. Pride and Prejudice - I am a big fan of Jane Austen, and although I love the romance in the book, my favorite element of Jane Austen's writing is her witty style. Every time I read the book (and trust me, I've read it many, many times), I find new witty surprises built into her writing. It's the type of book in which every sentence is worth reading.
2. A Suitable Boy - This is a monster of a book, more than 1400 pages long. It's set in India just after the Partition, and it's a tale of family tension, political tension, and religious tension. The main storyline involves a young girl struggling to choose between following her heart and marrying the man she loves or bowing down to her family's wishes and marrying the man they have picked out for her. Again, this is a theme that is extremely close to my heart, and when I read it, I cried on more than one occasion.
1. Catch-22 - I first read this book in middle school, and I have read it a couple times since. If you haven't read this book, go read it. It's a delight of sarcasm and wit, a book about a soldier with an anti-war theme.
Take a few minutes to think of your own top 10 list. I guarantee that it will be more difficult than you think.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Babies are a lot of work
Now, I don't have a baby human (nor am I going to have one, just to make that clear), nor do I have a baby animal. I do, however, have a baby computer, and I imagine this is similar to having a baby. I know you're thinking I'm insane right now, but hear me out. This might actually make sense.
I got an email over the weekend saying that I needed to have a laptop for class on Tuesday. My laptop has essentially been a paperweight because it wouldn't connect to the Internet. So, in accordance with my usual self-imposed rules of procrastination, I didn't worry about the laptop until Monday night. I had decided that I was going to switch out the operating system and install Linux on it in an attempt to make it useful for something. I did some prep work and downloaded the Linux set up files over the weekend, but other than that, I was starting from the beginning.
I burned the file to a CD and inserted the disc into the optical drive my brother had lent me. I re-started the computer a few times and attempted to make something happen, but with no success. I screamed at the computer, but it just blinked at me and told me that it was thinking. My very logical argument that I'm the one with the brain, not the computer, did nothing to move the process along. I finally got sick of waiting and decided to try to burn another CD. By this time, it was past midnight and I was extremely frustrated with the lack of cooperation from my computer. I burned the new CD, and when I put the new CD, I got a window prompting me to set my preferences to install Linux. However, about 75% of the way through the install, just when I thought things were going well, the baby computer went into screen saver mode and refused to come out. I shook the computer a few times, thinking that maybe it just needed to be burped, but in my panic, I ended up restarting the computer and thus the installation. When I finally finished the installation, it was well past 1 and I was frustrated and tired beyond belief. The Internet still wouldn't work, but I resolved to deal with it in the morning, and I went to bed, cursing that I would have to get up again in just a couple hours to get ready for school.
Although staying up late with my baby computer was much quieter than it might have been with a baby human, I like to think this experience gave me a glimpse of what it might be like to have a child. Babies can be really cute, but they are a lot of work. You make one wrong move and you spend hours trying to fix it. The one good thing about my baby computer is that it couldn't vomit or cry all over me, and despite the frustration, there is no way that it could get shaken baby syndrome. Even though a baby human might be a consideration in the very distant future, I'm definitely sticking with the baby computer for now. My nerves can't handle anything more.
I got an email over the weekend saying that I needed to have a laptop for class on Tuesday. My laptop has essentially been a paperweight because it wouldn't connect to the Internet. So, in accordance with my usual self-imposed rules of procrastination, I didn't worry about the laptop until Monday night. I had decided that I was going to switch out the operating system and install Linux on it in an attempt to make it useful for something. I did some prep work and downloaded the Linux set up files over the weekend, but other than that, I was starting from the beginning.
I burned the file to a CD and inserted the disc into the optical drive my brother had lent me. I re-started the computer a few times and attempted to make something happen, but with no success. I screamed at the computer, but it just blinked at me and told me that it was thinking. My very logical argument that I'm the one with the brain, not the computer, did nothing to move the process along. I finally got sick of waiting and decided to try to burn another CD. By this time, it was past midnight and I was extremely frustrated with the lack of cooperation from my computer. I burned the new CD, and when I put the new CD, I got a window prompting me to set my preferences to install Linux. However, about 75% of the way through the install, just when I thought things were going well, the baby computer went into screen saver mode and refused to come out. I shook the computer a few times, thinking that maybe it just needed to be burped, but in my panic, I ended up restarting the computer and thus the installation. When I finally finished the installation, it was well past 1 and I was frustrated and tired beyond belief. The Internet still wouldn't work, but I resolved to deal with it in the morning, and I went to bed, cursing that I would have to get up again in just a couple hours to get ready for school.
Although staying up late with my baby computer was much quieter than it might have been with a baby human, I like to think this experience gave me a glimpse of what it might be like to have a child. Babies can be really cute, but they are a lot of work. You make one wrong move and you spend hours trying to fix it. The one good thing about my baby computer is that it couldn't vomit or cry all over me, and despite the frustration, there is no way that it could get shaken baby syndrome. Even though a baby human might be a consideration in the very distant future, I'm definitely sticking with the baby computer for now. My nerves can't handle anything more.
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